Beginnings

I've come to the realisation that I need to make some changes in my life to restore balance. To help make sense of what, why and how, I have decided to blog this journey. Because it needs to be a journey and perhaps keeping a blog will help remind me of that and push me forward.

Today's moment of clarity came from a recent trip to Chiang Mai and reading this article: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?src=me&ref=general

I have gotten sucked into being busy with things that do not satisfy my own interests. I have prioritised wanting to both do good things for the world and earn a decent income to facilitate longer-term goals over just enjoying the ride and allowing myself time to do things I enjoy.

Until 10 years ago I was a music teacher. I loved it but there was a culture of almost competitive commitment. I fell into this trap and was always so busy I struggled to find time to pursue my own interests. The combination of wanting to be good at what I did and the inability to say no to people who wanted my time for ancillary stuff, led me to rapidly approach burnout within 6 years. My one 'hobby' of playing music, was only pursued when I was needed for something and thus reduced to just feeling like work. Also, kids can be bigger arseholes to teachers than I was anticipating and I felt poorly equipped and supported to deal with them.

Now I have a totally different career but seem to have fallen into the same trap I was attempting to avoid. I thought that if I did something I wasn't so passionate about, that I could leave my job at the door each day, not take any work home with me and focus on my own life interests more fully. This worked for a while, but my current job is really sapping my energy and I have slowly withdrawn further away from where I want to be. I have recently realised this and recognise that I need to rethink my approach to finding the right balance.

There are so many opportunities on the table at the moment to collaborate with people in creative ways, all of which I want to pursue. Now is the time to pull my finger out n come up with a strategy. Wish me luck!