Today I got my haircut for the first time in ages. My haircut routine over the last couple of years is to subject myself to the whim of student hairdressers at the local Biba academy. It's cheap and has worked out pretty well so far. My spiel is that I like a cut that is a bit avant-garde and different, I like asymmetrical, I don't mind very short cuts and long/short combinations but am happy with whatever. I'm pretty open to whatever they throw at me and have had some great cuts as a result. I thought I would get a haircut as a springboard to getting off my arse and changing my life. I figured that if I look the part, it will help to give me that little push in the right direction.
But today's haircut was different. I gave the hairdresser my standard brief but I got a really boring cut. It's a very slightly asymmetrical layered bob which looks incredibly bog standard ordinary, beige if you will. I usually can't visualise what hairdressers describe. I just go along with whatever they suggest and it seems to work out, but this is not what I was expecting at all. I didn't have the heart to tell her. I didn't know how to ask her to make it better so I just feigned approval and got out of there.
I can't help but wonder if I came across as a boring person and she's given me a haircut to match. I certainly feel like more of a boring person lately but didn't expect it to show so much to others. Granted, I haven't been dressing as creatively as I normally do, but I didn't realise it had come to this. I have begun to feel bored of myself. I seem to always be tired from work, I can't motivate myself to exercise, I want to play more music but don't get around to it very much, I start but then abandon job hunting, songwriting, mixing, sewing and craft projects... I'm good at keeping the house tidy, reading books and pissing around on the net but where's the fun in that? Urgh! What a boring person I've become! It's like I've entered a spiral of boring that is slowly sucking me in and turning me beige. Is this what's called 'letting yourself go'?
I've been giving this quite a bit of thought and think that a factor may be lack of time to pursue these things so I have decided to ask for more flexible working arrangements, equivalent to about a 9-day fortnight. Hopefully my boss will approve it. I shall cross my fingers and toes and maybe the funny walk I will do as a result will counteract this dull haircut.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Beginnings
I've come to the realisation that I need to make some changes in my life to restore balance. To help make sense of what, why and how, I have decided to blog this journey. Because it needs to be a journey and perhaps keeping a blog will help remind me of that and push me forward.
Today's moment of clarity came from a recent trip to Chiang Mai and reading this article: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?src=me&ref=general
I have gotten sucked into being busy with things that do not satisfy my own interests. I have prioritised wanting to both do good things for the world and earn a decent income to facilitate longer-term goals over just enjoying the ride and allowing myself time to do things I enjoy.
Until 10 years ago I was a music teacher. I loved it but there was a culture of almost competitive commitment. I fell into this trap and was always so busy I struggled to find time to pursue my own interests. The combination of wanting to be good at what I did and the inability to say no to people who wanted my time for ancillary stuff, led me to rapidly approach burnout within 6 years. My one 'hobby' of playing music, was only pursued when I was needed for something and thus reduced to just feeling like work. Also, kids can be bigger arseholes to teachers than I was anticipating and I felt poorly equipped and supported to deal with them.
Now I have a totally different career but seem to have fallen into the same trap I was attempting to avoid. I thought that if I did something I wasn't so passionate about, that I could leave my job at the door each day, not take any work home with me and focus on my own life interests more fully. This worked for a while, but my current job is really sapping my energy and I have slowly withdrawn further away from where I want to be. I have recently realised this and recognise that I need to rethink my approach to finding the right balance.
There are so many opportunities on the table at the moment to collaborate with people in creative ways, all of which I want to pursue. Now is the time to pull my finger out n come up with a strategy. Wish me luck!
Today's moment of clarity came from a recent trip to Chiang Mai and reading this article: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?src=me&ref=general
I have gotten sucked into being busy with things that do not satisfy my own interests. I have prioritised wanting to both do good things for the world and earn a decent income to facilitate longer-term goals over just enjoying the ride and allowing myself time to do things I enjoy.
Until 10 years ago I was a music teacher. I loved it but there was a culture of almost competitive commitment. I fell into this trap and was always so busy I struggled to find time to pursue my own interests. The combination of wanting to be good at what I did and the inability to say no to people who wanted my time for ancillary stuff, led me to rapidly approach burnout within 6 years. My one 'hobby' of playing music, was only pursued when I was needed for something and thus reduced to just feeling like work. Also, kids can be bigger arseholes to teachers than I was anticipating and I felt poorly equipped and supported to deal with them.
Now I have a totally different career but seem to have fallen into the same trap I was attempting to avoid. I thought that if I did something I wasn't so passionate about, that I could leave my job at the door each day, not take any work home with me and focus on my own life interests more fully. This worked for a while, but my current job is really sapping my energy and I have slowly withdrawn further away from where I want to be. I have recently realised this and recognise that I need to rethink my approach to finding the right balance.
There are so many opportunities on the table at the moment to collaborate with people in creative ways, all of which I want to pursue. Now is the time to pull my finger out n come up with a strategy. Wish me luck!
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